Idea Transcript
Do I Have Problems, or Do I Have Patterns?
Dr Henry Cloud http://drcloud.com Do I Have Patterns, or Do I have Problems?
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
r. Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and best selling author. he draws on his extensive experience in business, leadership consulting, and clinical psychology, to impart practical and effective advice for improving leadership skills and business performance.
Dr. Cloud is a new New York Times bestselling author, and his books have sold over 11 million copies. His leadership book, Integrity, was dubbed by the New York Times as “the best book of the bunch.” In 2011, Necessary Endings was called “the most important book you’ll read all year.” His book Boundaries for Leaders was named by CEO Reads as being in the top five leadership books of its year. Dr. Cloud’s work has been featured and reviewed by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Publisher’s Weekly, Los Angeles Times, and many other publications. Success Magazine named Dr. Cloud in the top 25 of 2014’s most influential leaders in personal growth and development. He is a frequent contributor to CNN, Fox News Channel and other national media outlets. In his leadership consulting practice, Dr. Cloud works with Fortune 500 companies and smaller private businesses alike. He has an extensive executive coaching background, and experience as leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEO’s leadership teams and executives to improve performance, leadership skills and culture. His experience includes three decades as a consultant, and as an entrepreneur he started and grew a successful chain of treatment centers in over 40 cities across the western United States. His experience running a business of this magnitude lends credibility to his expertise on leadership matters in the companies with which he works. As a speaker, Dr. Cloud has shared the stage with many business and global leaders and experts, such as Tony Blair, Jack Welch, Condoleezza Rice, Desmond Tutu, Marcus Buckingham, and others. Dr. Cloud is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, with a B.S. in psychology. He completed his Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Biola University, and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in homelessness in the inner city, as well as missions in the developing world. he lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy. He enjoys golf, scuba diving, boating and fishing.
http://drcloud.com Do I Have Patterns, or Do I have Problems?
PROBLEM: [prob-luhm] noun 1. Difficult to train or guide; unruly. 2. Dealing with choices of action difficult either for an individual or for society at large. (source: dictionary.com)
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Everyone has problems, maybe you have a conflict in a relationship, or sometimes you get down, maybe you’re afraid, sometimes you know you should have said something to someone and you chickened out and didn’t say it, etc.
See, when we have a problem, that’s just part of life. But, we recognize, gosh… I have a problem here that I need to go solve.
So what does effective problem processing look like? - See it - Own it - Bring the right resources to it - Implement these resources - Check to make sure it’s all cleaned up - Done! Do you currently view your problems through this process? Yes | No If you do not, how do you approach problems? 1. 2. 3. 4. Have you gone through this process multiple times with the same problem? Yes | No
http://drcloud.com Do I Have Patterns, or Do I have Problems?
We are human beings. We all have problems. Most problems aren’t a sign that something is truly wrong. Becoming aware of a problem is like getting an alert to let you know that you’re facing an obstacle, or that some kind of learning is needed. You’ve made a mistake or a bad choice. It likely won’t hurt you. You’re going to fix it and you’ll get over it. Problems are no big deal. In fact, with the right toolkit for tackling them, they’re going to make you better, stronger, and more resilient. They’ll go away because you’re going to address them and you’ll solve them. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t be vigilant in our purusit to identify and extinguish problems as they arise. If all you ever did was make a note of your problems and be done with it, you’d find that your quality of life would deteriorate very quickly.
People overestimate the significance of problems. Problems have a solution. Problems are fleeting. As soon as you spot a problem, you’re on your way to overcoming it. The problem with problems is that we’re often mislabeling them.
The formulation of the problem is often more essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill. -Albert Einstein
http://drcloud.com Do I Have Patterns, or Do I have Problems?
We must constantly be in the frame of mind to recognize problems, and then deal with them accordingly. That means having a process in place. You see the problem. You understand that it is a problem, either by imagining what effect it will have on future outcomes, or by observing the effect it is currently having. You accept the problem as your problem. You determine a range of solutions to the problem. Sometimes the easiest solutions won’t last, so you’re careful to weigh your options. You establish the steps that you need to undertake to overcome the problem, and then you gather the resources you’ll need to implement the solution. You maintain awareness of what behaviors and systems were being affected by the problem, and if they’re back where you need them to be, your problem has been fixed. It may not always feel easy, but it’s a lot easier than letting them persist.
PATTERN: [pat-ern] noun 1. A combination of qualities, acts, tendencies, etc., forming a consistent or characteristic arrangement. 2. An original or model considered for or deserving of imitation. (source: dictionary.com)
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atterns are a different story -- a way diferent story. Not all patterns are bad, of course, but problematic patterns are problems that come back again and again.
These patterns are often problems that you think you’ve fixed, only to find yourself dealing with them more than once, twice or three times, because it has simply become the way you do things. When you look back at your behavior, you’ll see that you’ve been handling the issue in the same destructive way. Problems are a part of life. But when they become something that happens over and over again, they form a pattern. They become part of your identity. You become known for it. That’s the difference. Imagine your life is a movie. When you play back the movie of your life, are you seeing the same painful scenes play out over and over again? The context may be different, but your response is similar in each scenario. How much pain has this caused you? 1 2 3 Little to None
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7 8 9 10 Virtual Hospitalization
When you play the movie forward, do you want to see the same scene? In six months? In one year? In five years? Is this how you want to live your life? Yes | No
http://drcloud.com Do I Have Patterns, or Do I have Problems?
Patterns are a glimpse into our future
There are a few steps to beginning to overcome your destructive patterns:
-> Name it -> Observe it -> Recognize the cadence
Quick questionnaire on patterns: Have I named any of the problems I’ve experienced in the last 6 months? Yes | No Do I take time regularly to observe the problems that arise in my life, beyond the time I actually use to deal with them? Yes | No Have I ever looked back at the last six months and looked for patterns in the problems that I have dealt with? Yes | No
http://drcloud.com Do I Have Patterns, or Do I have Problems?
Some final questions: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
What “problem” have you dealt with recently that has come up periodically in the last year? Why was it able to happen again? What do you need to change so this never happens again? What new skills do you need to learn? Might this be something that is not to be “fixed”, such as a lack of talent in some area vs. operating in your area of strengths instead? In other words, it is not a “problem” that you keep failing to make the NFL team you are trying out for. It is just not your gift and you should try something else instead. 6. What help do you need in order to figure out any of the above? Is it a person, a structure, a class? What will help stop the pattern from continuing on?
Want to go further? Download Dr. Henry Cloud’s new audio session as he takes an in-depth look at this topic. This recording will help you clarify whether you’re experiencing problems or patterns. Dr. Cloudwill give you the information you need to know what your next steps should be in order to discontinue the bad behavior and set yourself up for real success. Check it out on the shop at http://drcloud.com/collections/all/products/problems-vs-patterns If you choose not to deal with an issue, then you give up your right of control over the issue and it will select the path of least resistance.. -Susan Del Gatto
http://drcloud.com Do I Have Patterns, or Do I have Problems?