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eLign SPRING 2014

A R AY L I G N S TAY I N ’ A L I G N E D F E AT U R E P U B L I C AT I O N

Group Dynamics:

A CRITICAL FAMILY SURVIVAL SKILL (THAT NO ONE TAUGHT YOU...)

By G. Scott Budge, PhD, Gregory T. Rogers & Lauris S. Lambergs

Over the millennia, humans have honed primitive reactions to external forces for the purpose of survival. In today’s “civilized” society, these subconscious reactions have evolved as part of our coping mechanisms, yet when untamed can prove to be disruptive if not destructive. And when it comes to families seeking enterprising activities together across the generations – through businesses, foundations, family offices, trusts, and shared assets – we anticipate increased relational anxiety, not less. This is why we are sounding the alarm for families and their advisors to make a commitment to the mastery of group dynamics, as a way to support the long-term well-being of family members, and to build the bed-side manner required by the advisors to best serve them.

“Today, in a world that is evolving towards greater transparency and accountability, where we are connected as never before, EFFECTIVENESS IN INTERACTING with others,

in all of its forms, will be a primary determinant of a life of well-being versus one of high anxiety and stress.”

An Introduction to Groups We all live in groups, all the time. Because of the operation of language, even when we are physically alone, we are in groups. Truly, there is no escape. As psychologists have noted, the “individual” is a composite construct built on our relations with others. There is nowhere to hide, and yet attention to “group dynamics” –

the forces, positive and negative, that affect how groups behave – has never received an adequate amount of attention. Over the years, governance and organizing solutions have been designed to overcome primitive interferences, to enable groups to more effectively process decisions. Yet, as with any system, structure and process bring a new set of variables and vulnerabilities. We can’t avoid the reality that getting things done still requires human beings to interact with other humans, no matter how complex or thoughtful the structural design.

One important observation is that our educational system spends virtually no deliberate energy on educating us on how groups work. At most, we’re thrown on teams or group projects with no instruction on how to work effectively together. Part of this challenge involves understanding our early participation in groups we ourselves did not choose and cannot alter (our family of origin, our early religion, the town we lived in, the country of which we were citizens, our race, which side of the tracks we lived on and whether that changed over time). As we grow older, we eventually get to choose groups and form our own alliances. This includes our extended families, as at some point there are opportunities to evolve the “family enterprise” beyond an accidental filial relation to a pro-actively chosen set of ongoing alliances of interests. But even these choices are driven by the historical and often unconscious templates we have internalized that govern our default approaches to group participation.

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What We Mean By Group Dynamics – The Basics Since most of us have learned group skills primarily through our own experiences, framing group dynamics is the first step on the path toward mastery. The study of group dynamics is complex, but it is really about what forces are at work on groups that drive the directions they take. To get started, there are six (6) broad constructs that can better guide your group dynamics study: 1. Conscious and Unconscious Processes: Because of the way language works and enjoins our involvement in groups, some amount of what goes on in groups is conscious to participants, but a majority is subconscious. The latter is like slowing to a stop at a red traffic light. We don’t deliberately tell ourselves every time we approach a light to move our right foot off the accelerator and onto the brake: We just do it and do so on the belief that others at the intersection and behind us will be working off a similar template for how we all interact at stop lights. 2. History: The unconscious template each brings to groups is composed over time of what we have seen, heard and learned about how people in groups behave (nuclear and extended family interactions, schoolrooms, sports teams, executive teams, boards, religious groups, men, women, races, cultural subgroups, and social class). 3. Roles: These are behavior patterns executed in the anticipation or management of a social situation. They are like scripts we enact. Some are more permanent, some transitory. In families, common roles might include: scapegoats, victims, heroes, mascots and enablers. In work groups, roles might be described as task-oriented (initiator, information seeker or giver, harmonizer, or philosopher-critic) or maintenance-oriented (encourager, facilitator, interpreter, agreement-tester or tension reliever).

However they emerge, these roles are often designed to aid the individual and/or the group in processing anxiety by helping those involved to anticipate and manage — more or less effectively — group events. Roles are deeply connected to the voice people have in groups and can often be specifically understood by asking who is speaking to whom and from what position. 4. Defenses: How people defend themselves against anxiety, fear, sadness, hurt, shame or unacceptable desire is a crucial part of group dynamics. These basic emotional processes constantly play a role for wealth advisors when anything meaningful comes up around money, family and wealth. A few key defenses include: projection (putting your feelings on others, e.g., accusing your spouse of cheating when you have the impulse yourself), reaction formation (acting in opposition to one’s true feelings, e.g., the secretly gay politician who pushes for anti-gay legislation), denial (“this didn’t happen”: an insult of one to another was glossed over), distortion (changing the facts to fit the story: saying ‘we all agree’ when agreement may be limited in actuality), rationalization (a false but plausible excuse, e.g., justifying poor investment results because everyone had poor results), blaming (it’s someone else’s fault, e.g., “I’m unprepared because the dog ate my homework”), idealization (over regard for others: putting a G-1 founder unnecessarily on a pedestal). Defenses are powerful and mostly not conscious. They are deployed as default reactions to strong emotions because of an embedded belief that they will help the person navigate emotional situations. 5. Phases: Groups do not just spontaneously assume their end state, but evolve more or less quickly based on the participants and their circumstances. They

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A CRITICAL FAMILY SURVIVAL SKILL (THAT NO ONE TAUGHT YOU...)

also don’t typically evolve in a linear fashion, but cycle through four primary phases. Bruce Tuckman’s framework is highly illustrative: - Forming: characterized by excitement, anticipation, optimism and anxiety. - Storming: reality sets in, frustration, dissatisfaction and adjustment anxiety. - Norming: shared goals emerge, cohesion develops, coping with anxiety, acceptance. - Performing: leadership congeals, working as a team, tasks are getting done.

12 Angry Men A STUDY IN GROUP DYNAMICS

The 1957 film, 12 Angry Men, with lead actor Henry Fonda, provides for a tremendous educational experience in group dynamics. In the movie, a jury of 12 men deliberate a murder case. The group process considers how each juror is affected by their own history, current time constraints, personal biases,

6. Content and Process: Groups form around both what they are “trying to do” (content) and “how they do it” (process). Facilitators of group meetings make important directional choices based on these content and process objectives. Different mixtures of high or low concentration on content versus process can help to characterize, for example, types of meetings that might happen in a family wealth context, as the diagram below illustrates:

interactive styles, roles and defenses. After reading this eLign, rewatch this classic movie and see how your new knowledge changes your experience of this film, along with other films where group dynamics drive a successful plot.

Succession Planning Meetings

Comparing Trusts vs. Pre-Nups for Asset Protection

CONTENT-FOCUS

Figure adapted from Budge, The New Financial Advisor, Wiley, 2008

HIGH

Different Types of Meetings

Quarterly Proformance Reviews

Deciding to Sell the Family Business

Annual Financial Review

Meeting on Family Governance Developing a Family Mission Statement

LOW

Conveying Tactical or Administrative Information

LOW

PROCESS-FOCUS

HIGH

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“How To” Solutions to Worst Fear Situations No matter whether you are a group participant, organizer or facilitator, there are some specific situations and response choices that can help you and the group be more effective. The following “how to” solutions are developed out of years of experience working with family meetings and groups across many types and settings. See the figure on the next page as a summary diagram. The numbers refer to the order of possible approaches to be taken based on the situation as it emerges.







Worst Fear Situations: > Control slipping – not sure what’s going on: group convener or facilitator has an increasing internal sense that the group agenda is being hijacked by as-yetunknown forces. > Conflict escalating – voices are raising, high-octane emotions have been triggered and defenses are mounting. > Silences – productive and/or unproductive: the facilitator is unclear whether the silence is a defensive silence or a working silence. > Domineering person – someone in the group is getting outsized, verbal air time. > Crying – emotional outburst: tears are shed or there is a high amplitude release of emotion. > Walking out of the room – one or more meeting participants has chosen flight over fight with fear and/or anxiety as the likely driver. > Panic or decompensation – typically one party appears to lose control, be paralyzed by fear or is losing touch with the realities in the room. > Scapegoating – one party (sometime present, sometimes not) is being excessively blamed for the ills of the group.













Best Responses: Try What When? • GET SCIENTIFIC – gather data (who is saying what to whom and what appears to be happening), formulate a hypothesis and test it with members of the group. • CALL FOR PROCESS – check to see if what is happening



has happened before and what have typically been the responses. LOOK AT NON-TARGET RESPONSES – what are the other group members doing? Assess what is going on away from the center of the group’s attention; in team sports, the equivalent of what is going on with teammates who do not have the ball to understand the overall offense. ASK, WHAT IS GOING ON? Expressing genuine – not contrived – curiosity about what the individuals in the group think the group is doing. PURSUE NON-TARGET ACTIVELY – go after others’ responses: this involves use of active questioning of what others, who are not at the center of attention, are seeing or hearing. WATCH WHO TAKES WHAT ROLE – identify the voices or positions individuals in the group are assuming opposite a group event. PLAY THE ROLE NOT BEING PLAYED – identify the missing voice in the group – what is not being said – as a vehicle to help the group process its own reactions and mature developmentally. TAKE CHARGE – “here’s what we’re going to do”: in certain circumstances, a command and control approach from the facilitator/leader may be warranted. ANALYZE RESISTANCE/DEFENSES – what is getting in the way? Use “what” questions (rather than “why” questions that promote intellectualization and may aggravate defensiveness) in order to help group participants understand blockages to progress. CALL “TIME OUT” – consult with self or partner: exercising a right to call for a break in the action in order to process what may be going on in a meeting, ideally with a trusted partner. GET HELP – it is ok to call for help if the facilitator is in over his or her head – to be done with gusto, not apology. WAIT AND WATCH – when it’s working, do nothing: sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something, especially if the group is doing the work it’s supposed to – when groups are working, great facilitators get small.

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Handling Worst Fear Situations: Try What When? S I T U A T I O N : T RY F I R S T, S E C O N D e t c . . .

GET scientific: form a hypothesis.

Control slipping

Conflict escalating

1 ST

1 ST

CALL for process: Where seen before?

Silences

Domineering person

2 ND

SOLUTION: SEQUENCE OF ACTION

LOOK at non-target: doing what? ASK, what is going on?

2 ND

Crying

Walking out

4 TH

4 TH

2 ND

1 ST

2 ND

1 ST

1 ST 1 ST

WATCH who takes a role.

Scapegoating

2 ND

PURSUE non-target actively.

3 RD

2 ND

2 ND

PLAY the role NOT being played.

3 RD

TAKE charge: Here’s what we’re going to do.

3 RD

ANALYZE resistance/defenses: What is getting in the way? CALL “time out”: Consult with self or partner.

Panic

3 RD 2 ND

3 RD

1 ST

2 ND 3 RD

1 ST 2 ND

GET help, with gusto. WAIT and watch: When it’s working, do nothing.

A Practical Application – Family Meetings Of particular interest to us is the family-advisory group system, which involves the formation of an alliance among a family and its team of advisors. Attention to the dynamics of this team can often substantially impact the ability of the family to work productively and meet their goals. Given the importance of achieving these family goals, this warrants focusing our attention on the basics of group dynamics as a (if not the) key component in the

1 ST

1 ST

development of the overall emotional intelligence for high functioning family-advisor interactions. A common flashpoint for relational drama, and therefore, a great opportunity for increasing a group’s self-awareness, is THE FAMILY MEETING – emphasized here because this meeting and its dynamics are often the source of major anxiety for both the family and their advisors. Family meetings represent an opportunity to expose the best and worst of group dynamics on the part

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A CRITICAL FAMILY SURVIVAL SKILL (THAT NO ONE TAUGHT YOU...)

of both the family and its concerned advisors. There is a small but important literature on how to run family meetings that extends from the business meeting literature. A few things to note about this type of meeting that can help students of group dynamics: • As the prior diagram on page 3 suggests, there are different types of family meetings, and the run-up, design and follow up to these meetings should be driven by how process- or content-centric their agendas are. • The family is already meeting before, and one way or another, will be meeting after the MEETING. Formal meetings can be considered “planned interruptions” of the family’s everyday informal “meeting” interactions. The planned meetings often play an important role of creating productive interruptions between past, present and envisioned futures. • Preparations regarding the “before, during and after” parts of these meetings require respect for and anticipation of group dynamics primarily related to input and transparency about expectations, as well as general buy-in. Without proper preparation, facilitation and follow through, the planned meeting is exposed to being hijacked by a host of unanticipated reactions. Before: set expectations, gain input, create safety and transparency - Visualize the experience: Who is in the room? What is going on? What surroundings or props are needed? - Establish objectives and an agenda: keep it reasonable; stretch objectives but within reach. - Determine attendance: Who is coming and their agendas, overt and otherwise. - Get input from participants. - Select a venue and anticipate logistics. - Prepare participants. pre-reading, surveys, agendas, etc. - Keep an ear out for backchannel conversations; “the meetings before the meeting.”

During: provide a safe environment, model desired behavior, watch and listen, do the task until you can’t, be flexible - Set the stage and tone. - Review agenda and objectives. - Establish ground rules. - Manage the agenda, and be flexible as needed. - Observe deeply and attend to what is really going on – spoken and unspoken. - Determine accountability and next steps. - Archive the meeting. - Keep an eye and ear out for backchannel conversations: “separate meetings during the meeting.” - In the event of high emotions, look for opportunites to calm the system by allowing the family to address these emotions directly. After: summarize, get feedback, build confidence regarding follow through, communicate out - Prepare meeting notes. - Debrief with the meeting organizers. - Initiate follow through and communications on next steps that were committed to. - Evaluate the effectiveness of the meeting. - Have the family anticipate and manage the backchannel forces.

Raising Your Group Dynamics IQ Given the in-the-moment judgment demanded during family meetings and other group events, what can one do to get better at this, both in the near term and over time? This eLign is meant to be a primer and is far from exhaustive. Experience demonstrates that there is a strong correlation between the amount of energy put into developing this skill set and the value derived, in part, because it is so difficult and counter-cultural to bring thoughtful attention to what is actually going on within groups.

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A CRITICAL FAMILY SURVIVAL SKILL (THAT NO ONE TAUGHT YOU...)

Here are some concrete ways to improve your group dynamics skills right away: • Read: There are many books on this subject, such as Daniel Levi’s, Group Dynamics for Teams, or Timothy Franz’s Group Dynamics and Team Interventions. Freud’s Group Psychology and Analysis of the Ego or Bion’s Experiences in Groups are classics that have rich explanatory power but presume some level of technical familiarity. • Observe: Learning to observe one’s own reactions in groups and those of others represent another important learning activity to develop. Be more mindful of yourself and watch how meetings unfold with your newfound understanding. Be on the alert for how people – yourself included – default to predictable roles or vary what they do in surprising ways. • Listen: Sometimes visuals in groups distract from really hearing what is being said by whom and to whom. Try to listen for the deeper plot in what’s being said or left unsaid, and how character is being expressed, even if those characters are not physically in the room or, as in the case of legacies and legacy structures, are no longer alive but far from lacking influence. • Test: Gather data on what seems to be going on in the group, make hypotheses and test them with the group’s members. Is there a conflict being avoided whose productive engagement could help the group go forward? Was someone hurt by something that just happened? • Ask: Get feedback on your participation: does how you think you are being perceived jibe with how others see you?

• Experiment: Try something new and try to understand its effects. Make an observation you may not have made before. Identify a pattern. Purposefully create surprise as a way of challenging norms that may have ossified in ways that prevent group development. For ways to build advanced mastery of group skills, see the box on page 8 for suggestions.

Conclusions A thorough understanding of group dynamics may be the most critical tool to enhance inter- and intra- family system performance. In a commoditizing wealth advisory marketplace, it is exactly these types of “softer” skills that foster greater advisor-client success. Developing and enhancing skills in this domain can be done, but not without effort. It takes a belief that through this commitment, relationships and entities can build, grow and prosper. The effort starts with being willing to look and listen in directions that can often seem alien or uncomfortable. Oftentimes, groups struggle to better understand themselves, and any attempt to do so by an advisor can be bewildering if not outright threatening. However, there is no question in our minds that there is tremendous value for both the family and their advisors in developing better insight about group dynamics as the essential ingredient for how businesses and families survive and thrive.

About the authors GREGORY T. ROGERS

G. SCOTT BUDGE, Ph.D.

LAURIS S. LAMBERGS,CIMA ®

Greg founded RayLign Advisory LLC in 2004 to provide consultative services to a select number of financially complex families that want to be proactive about “perpetuating well-being through the generations.”

Scott is an expert in the dynamics of wealthy families, having worked directly with dozens of entrepreneurs, corporate executives and their families.

Lauris is an expert in consulting to wealth advisory firms on business management, client service and business development.

www.raylign.com/team.php

www.raylign.com/team.php

www.raylorinvestments.com/team.php

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Learning About Groups with RayLign • Live Case Supervision (“LCS”): Often the first step to demonstrating the value of learning about groups, LCS is a facilitated process where an actual prospect or existing, at-risk case is presented to a group of colleagues in the firm representing different business functions. The cases are discussed in a way that examines how they are “processed” by the organization and the strategic or operational implications for the firm. LCS experiences concretize just-in-time, real world learning for the firm, rather than relying simply on theory to drive learning. Families use similar processes, starting with examining other family cases as a way to then start looking at themselves as a “case” from the expanded lenses brought home by the methodology. • Manage/Grow/Retain/Develop (“MGRD”): Use RayLign’s proprietary process to address how you manage your business, grow it in revenue and profit terms, retain your at-risk clients and develop your human capital. The MGRD process helps you identify and prioritize strategic issues your enterprise may

face through use of Challenge Cases that present core challenges to the organization. Certain components of the MGRD process may involve modules that deal specifically with enhancing group dynamics skills. Families who have existing family offices or are contemplating building family offices benefit directly from the use of Challenge Cases where current or prospective clients of the office are members of the nuclear or extended family itself.

• Interpersonal Process Recall Training (“IPR”): A more advanced and well-researched system of training used to materially impact interpersonal skills, IPR is a videobased, micro-skills training process that involves taping and reviewing interpersonal interactions in detail. The system has been used to train experts from psychologists to physicians and across a range of settings from business to law enforcement. Wealth advisory firms will use this approach when, for example, they want to significantly upgrade the “bedside” manner of professionals, such as client-facing investment professionals, who have not had the advantages of such training as part of their career preparation.

Families will use this approach as a key component of training for overall emotional intelligence and ability to function at high levels on family councils, boards, and management teams.

• Customized T-Group Training: Typically used as an in-depth training methodology, T-Group training is executed with a welldeveloped, small-group training methodology that involves an initial, two-day immersion process followed by a series of follow-on case conferences. In T-Group immersion training, the objective of the group is to study itself, followed by a series of case conferences that support the translation of T-Group learnings into day-to-day applications. Families use variants of this kind of training in family meeting or retreat formats that are devoted to the resolution of relationship issues or in support of creating the necessary building blocks for strong governance processes.

RayLign Advisory LLC 35 Mason Street, 4th floor Greenwich, Connecticut 06830 USA

eLigns are published periodically to help families and their advisors safely

(203) 742-5450 tel

negotiate the big bends in the road, the ones that really matter.

www.raylign.com

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