Idea Transcript
Ter n i ka r-To Arrange o r Not
TO ARRANG E OR NOT: MA R RIAG E T RENDS IN T H E SOUT H ASIAN AME RICAN COMMUNIT Y Farha Ter n i ka r L e M oyne Col lege I ntrod uction1 The i dea of the a rranged marriage has a lways seemed "exotic" yet has fascinated the American p u b l ic. Recent media coverage of arranged marriages is evi dent i n pop u l a r period icals such as the New York Times Online (August 1 7, 2000) and Newsweek (March 1 5, 1 99 9 ) . Foner highl ights that the arranged marriage is an example of "the conti n ued i m pact of p remigration cu ltu ra l bel i efs and social practices" that South Asian i m m igra nts have tra n sported to the U n ited States ( Foner 1 997, 964) . She offers an i nterpretive synthesis by showing that " [ n l ew i m m igrant fam i ly patterns are shaped by cu ltural mea n i ngs a n d social p racti ces that i m m igra nts bri ng with them from the i r home cou ntries as wel l as by socia l, econom i c, and cu ltu ra l forces i n the U n ited States" ( Foner 2005, 1 5 7) . 1 Acknowledgements: T h i s paper cou l d n ot have been co m p l eted without the ge nerous support a n d comments of the fo l l ow i n g : Prema Kurien, F red K n i ss, Pau l N u m rich, Fra n k Ridzi, Trav i s Vande B e rg, J ud i t h Wittner, a n d R hys Wi l l ia m s .
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This article explores the marriage options that South Asian i m m igrants have and how rel igion ' i nfl uences these opti ons. The choice in the South Asian American com m u n ity, once between the arranged marriage and the "love marriage," now i n c l u des additional options as new i m m igrants negotiate new ways of fi n d i n g marriage partners. These methods vary depend i ng on rel igious trad ition, fam i ly i nfluence and eth nic com m u n ity ties. These new methods are examples of ways that second-generation i m m igrants try to preserve some traditions from their pare nts' generation whi le creating new trad itions. My research fi nds that cou rtsh i p and marriage norms i n the South Asian i m m i grant com m u n ity are often rei nforced by traditional rel igious i deology, but they vary by rel igious trad itio n . For example, a conservative Swa m i narayan H i ndu temple may arrange marri ages through fam i ly networks to ensu re rel igious and racial endogamy, while a l i bera l I ndian Cathol ic c h u rch may a l low dating i n its comm u n ity as a n appropriate method o f meeti ng potential marriage partners, or a conservative mosque may advocate arranged or semi -arra nged marriages in hopes of mai nta i n i ng modesty and chastity norms2 • This study is significant because there is a dearth of research on rel igion and South Asian i m m igrant fam i l ies. Though sign i ficant studies have made great contributions to the study of South Asian i m m igrants, there is no detailed research on how rel igion and eth n icity both play an i mportant role i n the construction of the new ways that second-generation i m m i grants negotiate trad ition, fam i l y, and fi n d i ng personal happiness in the marriage p rocess3 • This research explores how fam i l ies, rel igious traditions, and eth n i c com m u n ities i nfluence how members o f t h i s new eth n i c comm u n ity fi n d marriage partners by the creation of new marital norms. Methods In this article I draw on data from observations and fifty in depth i nterviews from 2001 -2004 I col lected as a researcher for the 2 E ndogamy remai ns a significant issue i n these th ree rel igious congregations ( K n i ss and N u m rich 2007) . 3 Rangaswa my 2000, Lea nard 2003, Lessi nger 1 995, Purkayastha 2005, Foner 1 99 7
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Rel igion, I m m i gration a n d Civi l Soci ety in Chi cago ( RI CSC) project4. I interviewed congregation leaders, school ad m i n i strators, teachers and lay members at the RICSC sites.5 I a l so attended meeti ngs of the South Asian Student Association, the M u s l i m Students Association, and the H i nd u 'Student O rga n i zation at C h icago col lege cam p u ses. I made my i n itial contacts at these student orga n i zations via ema i l l ist-servs. In addition to emai l contacts, I was a l so able to approach members from these groups at bake sal es, i nformal social gatheri ngs, and meeti ngs . Description o f Sample : South A s i a n I m m ig rants i n C h i cago Overall, my sam p l i ng tec h n i q u es were a com b i n ation of convenience and snowbal l sam p l i ng. I max i m i zed my range of samp l i ng rather than u sed random sampl i ng s i n ce I wa nted to develop a comparative framework. Conve n i ence sam p l i n g i s va l uable as it offers depth and contri butes t o theory bu i l d i ng (Weiss 1 994, 26) . Snowba l l sam pl i ng is u sefu l becau se it taps i nto social networks (Macdona l d and Ti pton 1 993 ) . My sample consisted of forty-th ree I nd i a n i m m igrants, six Pakistani i m m igra nts, and one Banglades h i i m m igrant. Eleven were fi rst generation i m m igrants who were born a n d rai sed i n South Asia, and t h i rty- n i n e were second-generation i m m igrants. I had a larger n u m ber of female respondents (37) than male respondents ( 1 3 ) . This was most l i kely becau se of two factors. I n itial ly, congregants at Islamic Fou n dation and BAPS Swa m i naraya n tem p l e preferred same-sex i nterviewers. As a resu l t, I i nterviewed m ostly women at these sites. When I d i d i nterview men for th is project, they were hesitant to speak at l ength about marriage and dati ng. A l i m itation of my sample i s that it consists of p redomi nantly m i dd l e-class and p rofessional i m m igrants, and this sample has 4 T h e Re l i gion, I m m i gration a n d C i v i l Society i n C h icago ( R I CSC) w a s a th ree yea r p roject of Loyo l a U n i versi ty C h icago's McNamara Cente r fo r the Social Study of Re l i gion, d i rected by Pau l N u m r i c h a n d F red K n i ss, and fu nded by The Pew C h a ritable Trusts. 5 See K n iss and N u m rich 2007 fo r deta i l e d descri ptio n s of a l l of the research sites. The RICSC project exami ned i m m igration a n d re l igion at 1 6 re l igious sites i n the C h icago area. I conducted i n terviews at the M u s l i m and H i n d u s i tes i n c l u d i n g I s l a m i c Fou ndati o n a n d BAPS Swa m i narya n .
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a large percentage of col lege-edu cated respondents. Most fi rst generation i m m i grants whom I i nterviewed were professionals, and a l l of the second-generation i m m i grants were col lege stu dents or had com pleted col l ege. This was largely because my research sites were two rel igious congregations in a Chicago subu rb, one city congregation close to a u n iversity, and two Chicago u n i versities. This sample was rel igiously diverse for comparison pu rposes. I wa nted to exami ne how marriage patterns vary among H i ndu, Musl i m and Christian South Asian i m migrants. However, I was not able to obta i n an eq ual n u m ber of H i ndu, Musl i m and Ch ristia n South Asian interviews. I i nterviewed fifteen H i n d u i m m i grants, twenty-six M u s l i m i m m i grants, and n i ne Christian i m m i grants. I was easi l y able to find a larger sample size of consenti ng Musl i m respondents because of m y i nsider status a s a second-generation I ndian Musl i m and my fam i l ial ties to the M u s l i m i m m igrant com m u n ity. All of my Ch ristian respondents were a res u lt of snowbal l sam p l i ng from other I ndian col lege students. I m portance of Marriage i n South As ian I m m i g rant Fam i l ies and Com m u n ity Marriage is the cornerstone of South Asian i m m igrant fam i l ies and com m u n ity l i fe ( Kn i ss and N u m rich 2007) . Married i ndividuals are given a higher status i n South Asian com m u n ity than those that are u n married. I n addition, i m m igrant c h i l d ren are not looked at as adu lts u ntil they have married, regardless of age and professional accomp l ishments as Farheen6, a 2 5 year old Musl i m I ndian woman, explai ned : "You are j u st a kid in the eyes of the com m u n ity ti l l you get married . . . G i rls that are married but not even grad uated from col lege and you n ger than me seem to be given more respect at com m u n ity parties." As a resu lt, a large amount of press u re is put on South Asian i m m igrant c h i l d ren to marry. The i mportance of marriage is also rei nforced by both South Asian i m m igrant and eth no-rel igious comm u n ities. Enti re eth n i c com m u n ities make great efforts to fi nd appropriate 6 A l l na mes of partici pants i n this study have been changed . N a mes that I have used i n this paper are pseudonyms that ref lect the respondents' eth n i c and rel i gious backgrounds. I re l ied o n Wittne r's model o f f ield-wo rk to gather data and conduct i ntervi ews (Warner and W i ttner 1 99 8 )
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mates for si ngle South Asian i m m igra nts and have developed a "marriage economy" ( Foner 1 997) . Marriage b u reaus, matri monial advertisements, and matchmakers cateri ng to the South Asian i m m igrant com m u n ity a re q u ite com mon i n u rban areas such as Chicago or N ew York ( Kn iss and N u m rich 2007) . These services put i m m igrants in touch with fam i l i es of potential mates. Pa rents take out advertisements for the i r ch i l d re n i n South Asian period icals. Matchmakers also organ ize formal and i nformal socia l events for you ng si ngle South Asian i m m igra nts. T h e respondents in my study spoke of a si ngles m i xer in the basement of a mosq ue, dances sponsored by a n I nd i a n c h u rch, a n d the H i n d u matchmaker at the temple. These events and i nstitutions signify the i m portance of marriage i ri the South Asian American com m u n ity7. With i n the South Asian i m m igrant com m u n ity, there are also many i nformal networks that assist i n making i ntroductions. Some of these networks are loosely based in rel igious congregations; others are th rough gro u ps of fam i ly friends. Sobia, an I ndian M u s l i m woman, explai ned that her parents were very active i n the local Hyderabrad i com m u n ity. They hosted large d i n n ers in her parents' house often i nviti ng fam i l ies that had eligible sons. Sobia and Sannah both mentioned that "desi " 8 wed d i n gs were a site that social networking happened for the pu rpose of i ntroduci ng fam i l ies that have marriageable c h i l d re n . Col lege campus orga n i zations also faci l i tate opportu n ities for South Asian youth to meet and social ize with one another. I n the past two decades, n u merous I ndian student associations, South Asian student associations, Muslim and H i nd u student groups have formed on col lege campuses th roughout the U n ited States. Northwestern U n iversity, DePa u l U niversity, Loyola U n iversity-Chicago, and U n i versity of i l l i nois-Chicago a l l have active South Asian student groups and M u sl i m and H i n d u student organ izations. 7 S e e Kn iss and N u m rich fo r further d i scussion o f m y research o n marriage C h icago South Asian com m u n i ty. 8 Desi is a "s l a ng" term used by South Asian i m m igrants to refer to South mem bers of the co m m u n ity o r as a descriptive te rm u sed to describe Asian acti vi ties, cu sto ms, foods or events. The term "desi " i s u sed by South i m m i grants when they speak to each other ( rather than by non -South i m m igra nts ) .
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These u n iversities organizations often arrange events and activities as wel l . I ndian, Pakista n i and Bangladeshi i m m igrant youth are able to meet each other at u n iversity-sponsored events without fam i l y i ntervention or su pervision . H i sto r i ca l ly, eth n i c a n d rel i g i o u s o rga n i zati o n s were used by pare nts a n d e l ders i n the com m u n i ty to orga n i ze soc i a l eve nts fo r yo uth a n d co l l ege-aged stu dents. H owever, m o re rece ntly secon d - ge n e rati on yo uth have ta ken i t u p o n themselves to create org� n i zati o n s a n d arra n ge social gatheri n gs w h e re . t h ey can m eet oth er South Asian i m m igra nts without p a renta l su pervi s i o n .
O rga n i zati o n s
such
as
N et i p
(the
N etwork
of I n d i a n Professi o n a l s) and CAM P (Cou n c i l of A m e r i ca n M u s l i m Profess i o n a l s ) were fou n ded b y seco n d -gen e rati o n S o u t h A s i a n i m m i gra nts p r i m a r i l y fo r social n etworki n g w i th oth er South Asian p rofess i o n a l s .
My respon dents al s o spoke
of orga n i zati o n s cate ri n g to I n d i a n i m m i gra nts from specific regi o n s .
Other rel i giously based i m m igra nt orga n i zati o n s
s u c h as KCY L N ( K n a naya Cath o l i c Youth League o f N orth A m e r i ca), or I S N A ( I s la m i c Society of N o rth A m e r i ca) h ave spo n s o red si ngles events at thei r a n n u a l confere n ces. These orga n i zations host d i n ners, picnics and a n n u a l conferen ces and are often u sed as arenas for i ntrod u ctions by parents as wel l as other fam i ly members and friends. One South Asian Musl i m woman spoke of how eager her parents were for her to attend ISNA every year in hope of her getting i ntrodu ced to a su itable partner. She mentioned that most of these i ntrodu ctions were done by parents. Severa l of my student respondents spoke of these grou ps as a format to meet a potential spouse. Sheh naz, a Pakista n i M u s l i m woman explai ned, " I know that some fam i l ies come to these thi ngs hop i n g thei r kids wi l l meet someone. I 'm s u re it has been successfu l for some. . . I do know peopl e who go there for that pu rpose." Farheen, an I ndian Musl i m woman, descri bed ISNA as a "meat market" for si ngle Muslims. She u nderstood that conventions were often an i deal place to meet other si ngle South Asian i m m igrants but viewed conventions as a "meat market" because si ngle women were j udged based on physical attractiveness. Tah i ra, a Musl i m respondent, explai ned that the emphasis on women to marry was
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much stronger than it is for South Asian i m m igra nt men : You n g women have a lot more p ressu re placed u pon them to get married wh i le they're sti l l "you ng and beautifu l " and therefore, "marriageable," whereas you ng men do not have to worry because there w i l l a lways be more you n g women avai lable for them to ma rry. A woman's a b i l ity to get married is i nversely correlated with her age. It is a l m ost a bad omen to have an u n married female who i s over 3 0 years of age l iving i n a South Asian home. I n addition to physical beauty, age was a common theme that Tah i ra and other female respondents m entioned . South Asian i m m igra nt women are u nder heavy p ressu re to marry in the i r early to mid-twenties. I n t h e South A s i a n com m u n i ty, getti ng a you ng woman married by her mid-twenties i s j u st as i m portant if not more so, than educati ng her, a senti ment that i s shared by both South Asians a n d South Asian Ameri cans. Women that I i nterviewed spoke of "marriage p ressu re" that they felt after they turned 20. One I nd i a n Musl i m woman, Sanah, spoke of her engagement at age 1 9. Rekha, a H i nd u woman, discussed her parents' consta nt nagging about marriage even though she had become fi nancia l ly i n dependent and cou l d support herself. Of cou rse marriage is also i mporta nt for South Asian i m m igrant men and thei r fam i l ies, especia l l y as they approach the age of 3 0 . One you ng Musl i m man, Tariq, spoke of h i s parents' concern over his 29 year-old b rother: "They are obsessed with my b rother right now. He's a l most 3 0 . They are about to lose the i r m i n d ." Many of my respondents shared s i m i lar stories. Parents fel t that getting thei r c h i l d ren married was a h igh priority i n the I nd i a n a n d Pakista n i i m m igrant com m u n ities. The Arranged M a rriage There are th ree patterns that I observed in terms of how South Asian i m m i grants are getting married : arranged marriages, sem i arranged marriages, and " l ove" marriages w h i c h refer to dati ng. Though the thought of an arranged marriage may seem strange and backwards to many Americans, it i s sti l l a common phenomenon 1 59
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i n many South Asian i m mi grant fam i l ies. Purkayastha's work highl ights that the arranged marriage conti n u es to be negatively associated with oppressed South Asian women . "The i magery is based on the stereotype that the typical South Asian America n female is one who is forced i nto arranged marriages and control led through vei l i ng, payment of dowry, and other customary practi ces" ( Pu rkayastha 2005, 41 ) . However my data demonstrates that there are several reasons why South Asian i m m i gra nts may choose to have an arrangec;l marriage i ncludi ng the fol lowi ng: the mai ntenance of culture, as a safeguard agai nst premarital sex and dati ng, as a way to appease fam i ly and com m u n ity, and lastly as a strategy to find a mate as a "fi nal resort" after fai l ed attempts at dati ng. Many i m m igrant fam i l i es i nterpret the arranged marriage as the key to mai ntai n i ng rel i gious and eth n i c trad ition. Marriage i n I nd i a n society symbol izes rel igious and eth n i c mea n i ng. Marriage i s one means of the mai ntenance of eth n i c and rel igious trad itions, and mai nta i n i ng the cu ltu ra l pu rity of an i m m igrant group. The arranged marriage also fu n ctions as a safeguard agai n st dati ng, and protects youth from sexual prom iscu ity and premarital relations9. A th i rd reason for the prevalence of arranged marriages is that some South Asian i m m i grants place great i m portan ce on thei r parents' wishes, often over thei r own personal preferences1 o. Lastly, I also argue that other i m m igrants, especially South Asian i m m igrant women, see it as a fi nal way of fi n d i ng a marriage partne r; if they do not fi nd thei r own spouse by a certa i n age, they wou l d rather l et thei r parents fi nd them a mate than remai n si ngle. This often happens after a slew of u nsuccessfu l dati ng rel ationsh i ps, or with those i m m i gra nts that feel too shy or i ntroverted to look for thei r own mates. However, the factors that i nfluence i ndividual choices i nclude fam i ly i nvolvement, eth n i c com m u n ity, and rel igious i deology. These themes cross rel igious traditions. The arranged marriage is a way to ensure the tra nsm ission of eth n i c and rel igious i deas, morals, rituals and traditions: 9 Foner a l so fou n d that arranged marriages c a n b e seen i n a positive l i ght as a way "to avo i d the frighte n i ng American dati ng scene, i nvo l v i ng premarital sex and potential rejection" ( Foner1 997, 9 65 ) . 1 0 Foner a n d Lessi nger both fou n d that you n g peo p l e s u b m i t to arranged marri ages l a rge l y because of their parents' wishes ( Foner 1 997, Lessi nge r 1 99 5 ) .
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Ma rryi ng the 'right ki nd' of I nd i a: n is believed to p reserve the culture from d i l ution, i nsuring the rep rodu ction of I n dian progeny and the re-produ ction of I ndian cu lture. It i s for th is reason that the a rranged marriage is sti l l a viable option for I ndian Americans ( M u k h i 2000, 64) . This idea transcends I ndian culture to Pa kista n i a n d Bangladeshi i m m igrant society as wel l . S i m i larly, South Asian fam i l ies that promote the arranged marriage often bel i eve that a rrangi ng c h i l d ren's marriages wi l l protect them from American dati ng rituals, premarital relations and prom isc u i ty. G u pta ( 1 999) suggests that, lithe traditional arra nged marriage, with no i n put from the you ng people i nvolved, is a system to control you ng women and keep them with i n parenta l l y orda i ned bou ndaries," a n d this is one reason that the arra nged marriage remains a com mon practi ce even in i m m igrant com m u n ities ( 1 1 0 ) . The arranged marriage is often more strongly encou raged for South Asian women than for men. Leonard ( 1 997) exp l a i n s : Another perceived th reat to fam i ly l i fe i n t h e U n ited States is the more open sexuality. South Asians genera l l y place more emphasis on women's v i rgin ity at marriage, a goal ach ieved by arranged marriage for the brides and grooms at fai rly you ng ages in South Asia but ach ieved more recently by p revention or control of dati ng ( 1 997) . Therefore those fam i l ies that p romote arranged marriages strongly discou rage dati ng. My i nterviews and conversations i nd icate that the arranged marriage is sti l l a com mon option for fi n d i ng marriage partners i n H i ndu, Musl i m and I ndian Ch ristia n i m m igrant com m u n ities. The reasons su pporti ng the arranged marriage as cited in my i nterviews were to mai nta i n chastity u nt i l marriage by rel igious conservatives, mai nta i n eth n i c and rel igious ties for those tied to fam i ly and com m u n i ty, and as a fi nal option for fi n d i ng a marriage partner for l i bera l and cu ltu ral i m m i grants. Two M u s l i m i m m igrant 1 61
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women i n particular were open to the arranged marriage as a way of safeguarding themselves from any · sexual rel ationsh i ps before marri age. Musl i m, Ch ristian and H i nd u second-generation i m m igrants spoke of the arranged and sem i-arranged marri age as ways to mai nta i n eth n i c and rel igious traditions. Th ree M u s l i m women and two H i ndu women clai med that they saw t h e arranged marriage as a last resort, if they did not fi nd partne rs before the i r late twenties. As I mentioned before, acceptance of the arranged marriage was common amongst H i n d u and M u sl i m i m m i grants. Fou r of the fifteen H i ndu i m m i gra nts and eight of the twenty-six M u s l i m i m m igrants favored the arranged marriage. Though n o n e o f the C h ristian I ndian i m m i grants preferred the arranged marri age, seven out of n i ne of them favored the sem i -arranged marriage. Ch ristian i m m i grants also mentioned that the arranged marriage was a com mon practice i n I ndian Christian i m m igrant congregations and com m u n ities, but that was not the preferred way of getti ng married for Ch ristian second-generation i m m igrants. N u m rich (2002 ) writes that " H i ndu ism favors arranged marriage over romantic or 'love' marriages" (31 1 ) . I n the H i ndu com m u n i ty, the arranged marriage i s common i n conservative and l i beral I nd i a n fam i l ies. I n t h e H i ndu American com m u n i ty, t h e arranged marriage remai n s an option because it hel ps mai nta i n caste, rel igious, a n d eth n i c ties. Cu ltu ra l and l i beral H i ndus also s a i d i n thei r i nterviews that the arranged marriage is often a fal l back for you ng i m m igra nts who do not successfu l ly fi n d mates on thei r own . Swami narayan respondents cited mai ntenance of eth n i c and rel igious ties as a key reason for opti ng for a n arranged marri age. Wi l l iams d i scusses the i mportant of eth n i c i dentity mai ntenance for Swa m i narayans: "G u ajarati eth n i city is essential to personal and gro u p identity i n this gro u p, which adopts an eth n i c strategy of adaptation i n the face of i nternationalization and modern ization . The sect is formed on a regional - l i ngu istic basis, and v i rtual ly a l l fol l owers are G uajarati 's" (Wi l l iams 1 998, 852) ." Therefore an arra nged marriage ensures and rei nforces both eth n i c and rel igious endogamy for Swami narayan H i ndus. Radha, a 55 year Swami narayan H i ndu congregant, tal ked about the pitfa l l s of 1 62
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the love marriage in terms of va l u es and l i festyles, affirmi ng that Swami naraya ns have a d i stinct way of l ife : Even the love marriages are a fai l u re. Why? Because they don't look i nto the practical l i fe, the habits and stuff, everybody has their different va l ues and d i fferent l ifestyles the way they have been raised, so we make them u nderstand you ' l l watch out for this you know it w i l l not work out i n the long ru n . Radha explai ned that since the elders of the com m u n i ty had l i ved experience they were able to guide you nger congregants i n terms of marriage matters. S h e saw t h e arra nged marriage a s a way to mainta i n trad ition and l i festyle, both eth n i c a n d rel i gious. Payal, a 45 -year-old Swa m i narayan H i ndu women, affi rmed that arranged marriages remai ned pop u l a r in this com m u n ity: "Most of them are doi ng a rranged marriages about 70 % , b u t there are some love marriages." The arranged marriage is a l so sti l l an option for some l i beral South Asian H i nd u women. Both Sushi la and Meena, two cu ltu ra l l y H i ndu women, s a i d that they d i d not prefer a n arranged marriage but wou l d not close it off as an option. Sush i l a specifically said she had been resisti ng an a rranged marriage and had severa l serious relationsh i ps with non - I n d ians th roughout col lege and graduate schoo l . Her parents were adamant on her bei n g open to thei r "i ntroductions" to su itabl e I nd i a n H i nd u p rofessional m e n . S u s h i l a d i d n 't th i n k she was a pri mary candidate for arranged marriage because it felt so forced . She was also ti red of the marriage pressu re from her parents si nce she was q u ickly approac h i n g age 3 0 . I n the fol lowi ng excerpt, Sush i l a tal ks about her anxiety related to the arranged marriage p rocess : It's j u st a screwed u p way of meeti ng people i n my opi n ion when you are brought u p with all th i s sti m u l i that teach you how love shou l d happen or romance. It's not l i ke I go out to bars to meet people. That's wei rd for m e too. I 'm friends with them and then whatever. It's j ust a slow p rocess based on friendsh i p . This i ntrod u ction th i ng is so a rtificial a n d contrived. 1 63
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It ru i ns thi ngs. So I am sorta kind of goi ng back. And then it's never simple as much as my parents are relatively p rogressive. Then the parents cal l my parents . And it's never as hands off as they say it is. Or as much as I want it to be. My Mom is a fem i n ist, and my parents are pretty progressive. So I am now sort of goi ng back to stop (stop them from arrangi ng my marriage) . But I don't want to tel l them to stop cus it keeps them occupied. Later in this same i nterview Sush i l a added that s i n ce she was now 2 8, combi ned with parental pressu re, she had recently become more open to the arranged marriage aga i n . Another H i nd u woman, Meena, had a lso dated throughout col l ege b u t s a i d she wou l d be encou raged to reconsider the arranged marriage option as she became older. In her i nterview she quoted her mother as sayi ng, " B ut if you are not married by the ti me you are 2 8 then I 'm goi ng to fi nd someone." Meena also viewed the arranged marriage as a l ast resort if she too d i d not marry by age 30. The arranged marriage remai ns popu lar amongst South Asian Muslim i m m i grants as wel l becau se it helps mai nta i n rel i gious and eth n i c trad itions, encou rages chastity u nti l marriage, and is an opti on for i m m igrant youth that do not fin d partners on the i r own . I n Islamic cu ltu res, the arranged marriage is also preferred because marriage has trad itional l y been viewed as a marriage between fam i l ies, and marriage in Islam i s viewed as a "re l i gious duty" ( Korson 1 969, N u mrich 2002 ) . Islamic doctri ne strongly promotes absti nence u nti l marriage, and cultu ra l l y South Asian Musl i m fam i l ies strongly emphasize premarital vi rgi n i ty, especially for girls and women . Several Musl i m respondents cited chastity and modesty as a common reason for choosi ng an arranged marri age. One of the teachers at an Islamic School, S h i reen, had an arranged marriage. S h i reen wanted to get married but was not i nterested i n dati ng. H e r fam i ly i n iti a l l y met h e r husbands' fam i ly a t an I ndian Hyderabrad i convention i n the U n ited States, and then arranged her marriage after severa l months. Naazneen, a Si ngle Indian Musl i m woman, tal ked about her strong approval of the arranged marriage. She believed that it was the ideal way for a practi cing Musl i m to 1 64
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meet a marriage partner. Naazneen also emphasized that modesty and premarital absti nence were two i m portant factors i n Musl i m l ife, and s h e d i d not want to i nteract with h e r potential partner u ntil after the marriage ceremony was performed. She d i d not want to even ta l k on the phone prior to marriage. N aazneen bel ieved that ta l ki ng on the phone was too i nti mate an activity to engage i n before marriage. Other M u s l i m women were also open to the arranged marriage optio n . La i l a, an I ndian Musl i m womal), approved of the arra nged marriage pri mari ly because she trusted her parents, and did not want to disrespect them ; she explai ned : " Personally I bel i eve yes my parents wi l l do what's best for me. H owever, I should have a say i n it a n d know the person before I get married". Another single Musl i m woman, Tah i ra, felt torn between hav i n g an arranged marriage and getti ng to know her potential mate; s h e said, "and I wou l d n 't m i n d probably bei ng alone w i t h h i m, b u t I guess I s l a m i c a l l y that wou l d n 't be right. Islamica l ly I shou ldn't be alone with a man (before I marry h i m ) ". Tah i ra wanted to get to know her su itor before she got engaged, but she a l so felt that morally it was not right for her to spend time with h i m alone before they were married . I n my focus group with fou r you n g Musl i m I nd i a n women, the si ngle women spoke of the arranged marriage as a l ast resort with responses s i m i l a r to the si ngle H i nd u women with whom I spoke. They said that they hoped they wou l d be able to fi n d mates on their own through the i r own peer networks a n d hoped that they wou l d know the i r spouses before marriage. Dahl ia, one of the I ndian Musl i m women, sai d : I need to know who I a m marryi ng . . . i deal l y I 'd l i ke to be friends with the person fi rst, I 'd l i ke to fi n d the person on my own .. if I knew h i m rea l l y wel l I wou ld treat the Nikah as dati ng and do that for a year a n d a half. Dah l ia hoped to know her h u sband on a plato n i c level before she got married, and explai ned that she wou l d want to date her h u sband after perform i ng a Nikah, the rel igious marriage 1 65
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ceremony. Each of the Christian I ndian respondents also spoke of the conti n ued practi ce of arrangi ng marriages in the American context. Conservative Ch ristian I ndian theology further promotes the arranged marriage as it advocates chastity u nti l marri age. I ndian Ch ristians also mentioned the mai ntenance of eth n i c ties as a reason for choosing arranged marriages. As N ita, an I ndian Ch risti an woman, explained : Arranged marriage i s the thi ng. I f you have a love marriage you need to make su re that the guy is from a good fam i ly or he's from the same rel igion as you are the same denom i nati on as you are. Make s u re you r parents know about it. You know how it i s, with a love marriage, they go crazy. And mai n l y they sho u l d see how the fam i ly is. That makes a big difference. The guy if he's settled, the guy he's fi ne and the fam i l y if they've got a big name, and stuff l i ke that. Arranged marriages are more com m o n . N ita explai ned that i n her fam i ly's I ndian com m u n ity, love marriages were accepted if two cond itions were met: that the marriage was endogamous, in terms of rel igion and eth n i city, and the fam i ly was seen as respectable and honorable with i n the comm u n ity. Obviously, parents had more control in maki ng s u re the i r c h i l d ren had su itors from a "good fam i ly" and mainta i n i n g rel igious endogamy if the marriage i s arranged . Another I nd i a n C h ristian woman, Sapna, mentioned that s h e was comfortable with havi ng her parents fi nd a marriage partner for her because she wa nted to marry with i n the Malaya lam eth n icity and the Catholi c faith . Fo r her, it was not a strong possibil ity that she wou l d be able to fi nd a partner without her parent's assistance and comm u n ity ties. In addition, she mentioned that she trusted her parents' j u dgment in fi n d i ng her a partner, and they had a l l owed her to reject suitors in the past. W i l l iams (1 996) writes of the prevalence of the arranged marriage amongst I ndian Ch ristian ch u rches and specifical l y amongst t h e Knanaya Ch ristians. T h e Knanaya Ch ristians have 1 66
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strict rules regardi ng racial and rel igious endogamy (Tern i ka r, 2008) . The arranged marriage hel ps preserve endogamy with i n the c h u rch com m u n ity. He does note the exception of the B rethren Ch ristians who a l l ow dati ng if it i s with i n the congregatio n . My i nformal conversations with I ndian youth at the B reth ren congregation also reflected the preva lence of both a rranged marriages and dati ng. The arranged marriage is sti l l a common p ractice in the South Asian i m m igrant com m u n ities, espec i a l ly among M usl i m and H i ndu i m m igrants. Twenty-fo u r percent of the re�pondents i n my sample were either i n an arranged married or p referred to have an arranged marriage. None of the Ch ristian respondents i n my sample were i n an arra nged marriage, but more than half of them favored a "semi-a rran ged" marriage over a " l ove marriage" (see Table 1 ) . The proponents of the arranged marriage ten d to be H i ndu, Musl i m or Ch ristian i m m igra nts who a re concerned with mainta i n i ng traditions, eth n i c and rel igiOUS. M a ny conservative Ch ristian and Musl i m i m m igra nts a l so practice a rranged marriages to discou rage pre-marital sexual relations. The hesitant supporters of the arranged marriage are those si ngle H i nd u and M u s l i m i m m i grants w h o consider t h e arranged marriage a s a fi nal alternative. Fi nal ly, parents often su pport the arranged marriage because of the i r vested i nterest i n mai ntai n i ng strong fam i ly ties ( N u m rich 2002 ) . Race, eth n icity, class a n d rel igion a l l p l ay sign i ficant roles i n the marriage equ ation for arranged a n d non-a rranged marriages i n the South Asian i m m igrant com m u n ity. Though often d i scou raged by fam i ly and com m u n ity, " l ove marriages" and sem i -arranged marriages a re i ncreasi ng in the South Asian com m u n ity. The Love Marriage The alternative to the arran ged marriage has h i storical ly been the "love marriage." " Love marriage" i s the term used by South Asian i m m igra nts and South Asians to describe marriage that developed out of dati ng or a romantic. H owever, as mentioned p reviously, dati ng is sti l l somewhat looked down u pon, espeCia l l y when South Asian i m m igra nt women a re i nvolved. South Asian i m m igrant women are strongly encou raged to mainta i n eth n i c traditions; the 1 67
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arranged marriage is an example of an ethnic tradition that women are more harshly j u dged for rejecti ng. I ndian women in the Diaspora are largely seen as the keepers of eth nic and rel igious tradition 11 (Maira 1 999, Dasgu pta and Das Dasgupta 1 997) . However, "Second-generation youth appear to be reproduci ng thei r parent's pol ici ng of eth nic bou ndaries in certain instances, a su rvei l lance that often has a specifically gendered edge with a keen focus on women's behavior, particu larly in sexual ity" (Maira 1 999 : 49) . This gendered u nderstanding of dati ng and sexual norms is largely l i n ked to social norms that have been rei nforced by fi rst generation South Asian immigrants (Gu pta 1 997) . More educated women in I ndia, accordi ng to previous studies, and i n this study are more l i kely to have a love-marriage than an arranged marriage (Corwi n 1 977) . I n addition, dati ng is somewhat more acceptable i n certain l i beral H i ndu and Ch ristian imm igrant commun ities than in Muslim imm igrant commun ities. Dati ng is a place where rel igious norms are used to rei nforce conservative gender and sexual norms. Strict gender and sexual norms, along with fam i ly and comm unity pressu re, strongly discourage Musl im youth from dating open ly. One of the reasons that fi rst-generation parents of many South Asian immigrants discou rage dati ng is because it is equated with sexual prom iscu ity. Nevertheless, dati ng does occur i n all th ree rel igious traditions. Dati ng practices are conti ngent on fam i ly, rel igious ideology and eth no-rel igious comm unity. Five out of the thi rteen H i ndu women that I interviewed mentioned present or past dati ng relationships. Another two women tal ked about love marriages i n the fami ly. Saman, a H i ndu I ndian woman, even descri bed her parents' marriage as a love marriage : They eloped . Long story - - m y Mom was arranged to be married to someone else she came home and was l i ke wait Mom and Dad I met somebody and we've been together for 2 years and 1 1 I n Mai ra's study of South Asian subcu lture i n New Yo rk City, she found that, "Women are expected to carry the burden of embodying u n su l l ied trad ition, of chaste I n dian womanhood, as has been pointed out in the discuss ions of the dou ble standard that appl ies to sexual behavi or for young South Asian American wo men as opposed to men" (Mai ra 1 999 : 49 ) .
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he's leavi ng for England, and so my Mom said su rprise I 'm moving to England and that was a big no-no, total ly m i smatch of caste, wea lth, a n d status, my Mom is My dad is South I ndian and my Mom is North I ndian, a n d it was j ust a h uge cu ltu ral clash so they j ust eloped . I th i n k ever s i n ce then they n ever bel ieved i n saying this is who you actu a l l y shou l d be with . Saman's experience was an anomaly. B u t s i n ce Saman's parents had not had an arranged marriage, they d i d not expect Saman to have one either. Manjaree, another H i nd u woman, also spoke about her dating experiences. She a l so explai ned that her parents were divorced and did not have a lot of control on her personal l ife : No my Mom has always been very open a n d she has given me a lot of freedom, she a lways said you can start dati ng when you are 21 ki n d of. And then I started dati ng when I started col lege. I d i d tel l her. I was i nterested and I am goi n g to start dati ng. I have never dated anyone I nd i a n . I have th ree relationsh ips a n d they have a l l been with white guys. And she's known of al l th ree of them . The other H i nd u respondents explai ned that arranged marriages were defi nitely com monplace i n their pare nts' generation i n I nd i a . Though a few o f m y respondents spoke o f dati ng, the arranged marriage was sti l l an option even for second-generation H i ndu i m m i gra nts. Three of the BAPS Swa m i narayan congrega nts spoke of dati ng for the pu rpose of marriage as perm i ssible only after completi ng h i gher educatio n . Veena, a BAPS Swami narayan congregant, explai ned : Wel l our rel igion teaches you shou l d o n l y date after you fi n i s h you r education, a n d if you do date after y o u a re d o n e with you r education, it sho u l d be for the sole p u rpose of getti ng married . So with the people I u s u a l l y hang arou nd, that's what they believe . . . actu a l ly o u r tem p l e has this national b iodata and it has names of each person, wel l whoever wants to partic ipate 1 69
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i n it, and when its time to get married you can submit a biodata if you wa nt. Veena and other congregants also spoke of the arranged marriage as the preferable method in fi n d i ng a marriage partner at the BAPS tem ple. The biodata database at the temple kept a cata log of si ngle BAPS Swami narayan congregants. " B iodata" refers to a resume of sorts that i nc l u des a si ngle i n d ividua l 's educational backgro u n d (someti mes i ncl u d i ng salary), fam i ly h istory, caste, bi rthday an d often a pictu re. Not a l l rel igious congregations have a biodata database, but for H i ndu and Musl i m i m m igrant fam i l ies with Si ngle c h i l d ren exchanging biodata is a com mon practice, and often the fi rst step of arranging a marriage. Though the arranged marriage is largely promoted by M u sl i m i m m igrant congregations, dati ng also occu rs i n the Musl i m South Asian com m u n ity, but is considered a social taboo largely becau se of rel igious doctri ne which i s rei nforced by the larger eth n i c fam i ly and com m u n ities. One I ndian Musl i m woman, Adeela, exp l a i n ed that most of her dating relations h i ps had been kept secret from her parents. U ltimately, her parents hoped to arrange her marriage, but she was able to fi nd M u sl i m men to date i n hopes of fi n d i n g her own marriage partner. Adeela d i d not th i n k anyth i n g was " u n Islamic" about dati ng, as long as she was dati ng a Musl i m m a n . She mentioned that s h e h a d dated a few guys : "My friend made me go on a b l i n d date last weekend - he was rea l l y n i ce and he goes to law school, good guy. I j u st wasn 't attracted". Tariq, a M u s l i m I ndian man, also spoke of dati ng, and was the only Musl i m respondent who spoke of h i s fam i ly's approval of dati ng. Tariq explai ned that he saw dati ng as part of h i s " l i beral," non-practi c i n g past i n h igh school and col l ege. H i s dati ng experiences h a d been primarily with non-Musl i m women . H e added that he no l onger dated s i n ce he had become a "practici ng" Musl i m because he now thought dati ng to be wrong: The other day my Dad asked me why I don't have a gi rlfriend. I was l i ke Dad, I went th rough that phase i n u ndergrad and I k i n d gave u p dati ng when I rea l i zed it j u st wasn't, that was 1 70
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another th i n g that wasn't bringing any peace of m i nd . But my parents j u st ca n't seem to u nderstan d that concept, as long as it i nvolves a Musl i m girl (they want me to date), now if it's a non-Musl i m girl then it's completel y non-acceptable (to date or marry) . Ta riq hoped to find a marriage partner through a friendsh i p network with t h e hopes o f remai n i ng p l ato n i c u ntil marriage. Other Musl i m respondents did not speak about the i r own dati ng experiences but mentioned s i b l i ngs, friends, and cousi ns who had dated. All of my respondents i nc l u d i ng the Islamic School pri ncipa l and adm i n i strators d i d acknowledge that dati ng is becom i ng a more com mon occu rrence i n the M u s l i m i m m igrant com m u n ity even though it is strongly d i scou raged. Dati ng is p reva lent in some I nd i a n Ch ristia n com m u n ities if it i s endogamous racia l l y and rel igiously. One Catholic I nd i a n woman, Ma ry, explai ned that arranged marriages a re sti l l com mon i n her com m u n ity but that some more l i bera l fam i l ies such as hers did a l low dati ng: " I n the com m u n ity it's mostly a rranged, but l i ke some parents are more l i beral than others, l i ke m i ne, l i ke my parents are l i ke as long as the guy is I ndian Ch ristian". Mary added that her fam i ly's I ndian com m u n ity i s conservative and does not promote dati ng. Her parents have made a n i ndividual decision to a l l ow her to date as long as she dates another I nd i a n C h ristian . Another Catholic man, Joseph, tal ked about his dati ng p rocess as wel l . Joseph said that h i s parents d i d try to a rrange h i s marriage and they were not successfu l . H e eventua l l y m et a white woman at h i s c h u rch and they dated before marryi ng. J oseph's parents were pleased that he had at l east married a Cathol i c wom a n . Dati ng rema i n s a somewhat contentious topic i n t h e South Asian i m m i grant com m u n ity. Perhaps, dati ng wi l l i ncrease as more second and th i rd generation i m m igrants a re soc i a l i zed in the U n ited States. Dati ng is less com mon in rel igiously conservative com m u n ities of a ny South Asian trad itions. Conservative rel igious congregations of Cathol i c, H i nd u and Musl i m backgro u nds do not promote dati ng because it is a th reat to rel igious and eth n i c tradition. Some l i beral South Asian fam i l ies d o a l l ow dati ng. I n 1 71
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add ition, there are South Asian i mmigrants who conti n u e to date without fam i ly or com m u n ity approva l . Ofthe people I i nterviewed (1 5 H i ndus, 2 6 Musl i ms, 9 Ch ristians), H i nd u i m m i grants have the h ighest rate of approval of dating and love marri ages. N i ne out of fifteen of the H i ndu i m m igrants I spoke with either had dated, were dati ng, or approved of dating as a method of getting to know a potential marriage partner. O n l y two of the twenty-six of the Musl i m i m m igrants approved of dating or the love ma.rriage. However, more than half, sixteen out of twenty six, of the Musl i m i mmigrants supported sem i -arranged marriages. None of the Ch ri stian i m m i grants I i nterviewed favored or were married through a strictly arranged marriage. Seventy-eight of the C h ristia n i m m i grants preferred or had been married th rough a sem i -arranged marriage, while two of the n i ne Ch ristian i m m igra nts favored or had dated before getti ng married . To arrange or not to arrange : The creation of the "se m i -arranged" marriage I don't know if there are tru ly that many arranged marriages per se, mea n i ng . . . Some th i rd party elder says th is person is for you and you are for this person and you get married. I th i n k the more appropriate term i n today's day a n d age i n I ndia and here i s arranged i ntroductions. In the above quote, Raj iv, a male H i nd u i m m igrant i ntrod uces "arranged introd uctions". Are the alternatives to the arranged marriage such as "arranged i ntrod uctions" replacing trad ition ? With the i ncrease of South Asian i m m i grants i n the U n i ted States s i n ce 1 965 and the pop u larity of the I nternet, new alternatives to the arranged or love marriage are possible. The most popu lar options that my respondents spoke of i nc l u ded arranged i ntrodu ctions or "semi-arranged marriages" and on-l i n e services. Arranged i ntroductions also known as semi-arranged marriages i ncl ude those situations where parents, relatives, fam i l y friends, or com m u n ity members are i nvolved i n i ntroducing the i r ch i ld ren to su itable or appropriate mates. The daughter or son can get to know 1 72
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the potential mate by tal ki ng on the phone, th rough exchangi ng emails, and/or via group dates with chaperones. The semi -arranged marriages are encou raged by the c h i l d ren themselves because they do not wa nt to date, yet they do not want parents strictly arra ngi ng their marriages. In addition, because many i m m igrant c h i ld ren have been socia l i zed by notions of romantic l ove, they want to know the i r potential mates before they get married . B u t the sem i arranged marriage process does not encourage any premarita l sexual relations. Partners i n th is process do not necessar i l y have a physical relationsh i p before the i r wedd i ng, often for rel igious reasons and someti mes for cu ltu ra l ones. In my research I fou n d the semi-arranged marriage was always between two people of the same pan -eth n i c and rel igious background. It is a way for second-generation i m m igra nts to fi nd l i ke-m i n ded partners. The youth that p referred a sem i -arranged marriage were often rel igious but not necessar i l y cu ltu ra l . They wa nted to feel l i ke they were i nvol ved in the marriage p rocess and that they had some l evel of autonomy a n d agency1 2 . Sem i-arranged marriages were also a usefu l way for rel igious i m m i grants to fi nd partners. One concern that you ng women spoke about was tryi ng to find a partner that was at the same "rel igious leve l ." By speaking on the phone and ema i l i ng before marriage, you ng women are able to ask potential mates serious questions about rel igious va l u es and p ractices. S h a h i sta a n d Obed, a you ng Musl i m cou ple, spoke of the i r marriage as a semi -arranged marriage. They were i ntroduced to each other by a m utual Musl i m friend, a n d they began to get to know each othe r b y ta l ki ng on the phone and goi ng on chaperoned social outi ngs. After six months of interacti ng, they were married . The sem i -arranged marriage a l l ows for some level of freedom, romance, and self-selection without any p hysical i ntimacy before marriage. The sem i -arranged marriage was the most pop u l a r option i n m y sample. Half o f m y enti re s a m p l e p referred t h e "se m i arranged" marriage over t h e a rranged-marriage or t h e l ove marriage. The "semi -arranged" marriage is pop u l a r among second-generation 1 2 Foner h ig h l ights that t h e i nterplay between "cu l t u re, structu re, a n d agency" i s significant for u n de rsta n d i n g how i m m igrants reco nstruct marriage a n d fa m i l y patterns i n t h e context o f t h e American e n v i ro n ment ( Foner 2005, 1 65 ) .
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i m m igra nts because it satisfies parents' req u i rements of endogamy, and it gives c h i l d ren a sense of autonomy. . N oor explai ned that she ' wa nted to have a "friends h i p" with her partner before she married h i m . She felt that if they tal ked on the phone and excha nged ema i l s before they got married, s h e wou l d get a chance to know h i m . T h e sem i -arranged marriage also resu l ts i n endogamous marri ages. Therefore, it also helps mai nta i n eth n i c and rel igious traditions wh i l e also giving c h i l d ren agency i n the marriage p rocess . This method u ltimately satisfies second-generation c h i l d ren and thei r i m m igrant parents. Matri monial o n - l i n e services are an option for South Asian i m m igrants as wel l . O n - l i n e services often help faci l i tate arranged and sem i-arranged marriages. Parents and s i b l i ngs l ook on-l i ne also for mates for Si ngle fam i ly members. Si ngle i ndividuals also i n itiate relations th rough these sites. Popu lar matri monial websites for South Asian i m m i grants i nclude matri monials.com, i ndian marriages. com, i ndian l i n k.com and suitablematch .com. Through these sites South Asian si ngles are able to search databases for ideal matches. Characteristics most often i ncl uded in these si ngles advertisements i n c l u de eth n i city, rel igion, age, i m m i gration status and edu cati on leve l . Another appeal of on-l i ne marriage services is that it often decreases the i nvolvement of parents and fam i ly i n the arranged marriage process, where si ngle people can look for appropriate matches on the i r own and make i n itial contact with potential partne rs without a chaperone. This alternative conti n ues to grow i n pop u larity a s new onl i ne dati ng and marriage sites targeting South Asian i m m igrants conti n u e to develop. One of my respondents, a C h ristian I n d ian, mentioned that he u sed an o n l i ne dati ng servi ce, match.com, in hopes of fi n d i ng a marriage partner. Noor, a Musl i m respondent, explai ned that many of h e r friends had recently joi ned naseeb.com in hopes fi nding a potential Musl i m matc h . Perhaps in the near futu re, matri monial web sites wi l l cause a decrease i n traditional arranged marriages i n the U n ited States. More second-generation South Asians are dating or sem i arranging the i r marriages. However, t h e tru ly "arranged marriage" where parents select a mate for thei r ch i l d ren is sti l l a practice i n i m m igrant com m u n ities i n the U n i ted States . I n Rangaswamy's 1 74
Ter n i ka r-To Arra nge or Not
(2000) study of C h icago I nd i a n i m m igra nts 7 1 % of her respondents approved of arranged marriages (1 81 ) . This most l i kely wi l l remai n a practice i n South Asian i m m igrant com m u n ities because it a l lows par�nts to have great i nvolvement in the selection of thei r c h i l d ren's' spouse, w h i l e ensuring the mai ntenance of eth n i c and rel igious trad ition and racial pu rity. D iscuss ion of Data and Conclusion Accordi ng to this research, dati ng and the l ove marriage is more common for H i n d u i m m i grants than for M u s l i m or Ch ristian i m m igrants, and the arranged marriage is more com mon among Musl i m i m m igrants, than for H i ndu or Ch ristian i m migrants.1 3 Both Musl i m and Christian i m m igra nts prefer the sem i -arranged marriage over the arranged-marriage or dati ng option. Dati ng may not be a popular option for M u s l i m or Ch ristia n South Asian i m m igrants because it more l i kely resu lts in exogamous marriages . In the case of Musl i m i m m igrants, dati ng i s a l so d i scou raged because of conservative gender and sexual norms that a re rei nforced by eth no rel igious com m u n ities particu larly for M u s l i m women (Sch m i dt 1 3 T h i s analys i s becomes more co m p l i cated when I separate those i m m i grants who label themse l ves as l i beral o r cu l tu ra l fro m those i m m igrants who l a be l themse l ves as conse rvati ve o r "practi ci ng". E l even out o f 1 5 of the H i nd u i m m igrants co nsidered themse l ves t o b e c u l tu ra l l i beral H i n d u s . Two of t h e 2 6 M u s l i ms clai med that they we re c u l t u ral Musl i m s rather t h a n re l igious M u s l i m s . F o u r of t h e 9 C h ristian i m m igrants I i nte rviewed a l so clai med t h a t t h e y i denti f ied with l i beral Cathol icism. When I compared l i beral i m m igrants to conservative i m m igrants, I fo u n d that none of the l i beral i m m igrants p refe rred the arranged marriage . Five out of eighteen of the l i beral i m m igrants supported o r we re i n a semi -arranged marriage, a n d more than h a l f (thi rteen out of eightee n ) of t h e l i beral i m m igrants p refe rred a l ove marriage. O u t of the thi rty-two conservative i m migran ts, o n l y two p referred a l ove marri age, eightee n preferred a se m i -a rranged marri age, and twe l ve p referred an arranged marriage. I can hypothes i ze that in my s a m p l e, l i beral i m m i grants prefe r dati ng as a method to getting married wh i l e conse rvative i m m igrants prefer the arranged o r "se m i arranged" marriage opti o n . Conse rvati ve i m m igrants i n terpret a rranged marri ages as a way to safeguard re l igious a n d c u l t u ral i de ntities. I n addition, I fo u n d the semi -arranged option to be pop u l a r amongst conservative i m m igrants regardless of re l igious trad ition and parti c u l a r l y with C h ristian and M u s l i m i m m igrants (see table 1 ) . These fi ndi ngs re i n fo rce the i dea that for re l igious reaso ns, conse rvati ve South Asian i m m i grants, C h ristian a n d M u s l i m i m m i gra nts p refer semi -arranged and arranged marriages to the l ove marri age option because i t faci l itates re l igious endoga my.
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Eth n i c Studies Review Vol u m e 31
2004 ) . Lastly, arranged marriages are a way to retai n eth n i c a n d cu ltu ra l trad itions. Trad itional practices o f marriage carry mea n i ngs o f eth n ic and rel igious authenticity even to second-generation South Asian i m m igra nts . The semi-arranged marriage is a sign ificant creation of a new marital norm that a l l ows for the mai ntenance of eth n i c and rel igious trad itions but also appeases second-generation i m m igrants in thei r p u rsuit of personal happi ness or romantic l ove. Second generation i m m igrants i nterpret the sem i -arranged marriage as a way to mai nta i n thei r cu ltu ral identities while also gai n i n g the approval of thei r fam i l ies and eth no-rel igious comm u n ities. However, this research highl ights that rel igion matters significantly i n these marita l decisions14• This was clearly evident i n the comparison of rel igiously conservative H i n d us, M u s l i ms, and Ch ristians with rel igiously l i beral H i nd us, Musl i ms, and Ch ri stians. The arranged and sem i-arranged marriages remai n popu lar because they are both ways that help conservative i m m igrants fi n d partners with i n thei r rel igion . Only two of the conservative i m m i grants favored a love-marriage over a sem i -arranged or arranged marriage. Yet, none of the l i bera l i m m igrants preferred an "arranged marriage". Rel igious conservativism i nfluences the marriage choices for South Asian i m m i grants. Comparing i m m igrants from the th ree trad itions, I fou n d M u sl i m i m m igrants to have the highest n u mber of a rranged marriages, and the lowest n u m ber of love marriages. In addition, H i n d u i m m igrants had the h i ghest n u m ber of love marriages. This i s most l i kely so because u n l i ke I ndian Catholics and South Asi an M u s l i ms, Hindu i m m igrants do not have any specific rel igious codes on exogamy ( Lawrence 2002, Cou rtright and Harlan 1 995 ) . Islam and Cathol icism are both rel i gious trad itions based on rel igious law and scri ptu re-based norms1 5 • Acceptan ce of exogamous marriage i n H i nd u fam i l ies is often conti ngent on level of rel igiosity, sect, caste, class, region of origi n and educational level ( Bacon 1 996, 1 4 Kurien's research o n I nd i a n i m m igrants i n the U n i ted States a l so h i g h l ights the i m po rtance of re l i gious identity for I ndian i m m i grants . Her research focuses o n H i n du and M u s l i m i m m igrants ( 1 997 and 2001 ) . 1 5 For Musl i ms, I s l a m i c l aw (Shariah) based on Hadith a n d Q u ran clearly outli nes that Musl i m men can marry wo men of the book ( M u s l i m, J ewish o r C h risti a n ) but Musl i m wo men must marry with i n the fai t h .
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Ter n i ka r-To Arrange or N ot
Cou rtright and Harlan 1 9 95, Fenton 1 9 88) . The practice of H i ndu ism varies greatly between regions of I ndia (Cou rtright and Harlan 1 995, Fenton 1 98 8 ) . An extended d iscussion of arranged marriage p ractices h ighl ights the great emphasis i n South Asian i m m igrant com m u n ities to mainta i n endogamy for both eth n i c and rel igious reasons. H owever, this research also suggests that rel igious trad ition or rel i giosity (conservative versu s l i bera l ) does i nfluence how some South Asian i m m igrants ma rry. Futu re research shou l d emph;;lsize changes in who i m m igrants actu a l ly marry, pa rticu larly along rel igious l i nes as thi rd-generation i m m i gra nts come of age. This futu re research sho u l d also develop a comparative analysis with i n the com m u n ity among class- l i nes. Table 1 : Rela tionship between Religion a n d Method of Marriage
Religion Hindu Muslim Christian Total
Arranged
Semi-arranged
Love
Total
27%
1 3%
60%
1 00%
N=4
N=2
N=9
N= 1 5
31%
61%
8%
1 00%
N=8
N= 1 6
N=2
N=26
0
78%
22%
1 00%
N=O
N=7
N=2
N=9
24% N = 12
50% N=25
26% N=13
1 00% N=50
Table 2 : Religion Conservative L iberal Total
Arranged
Semi-arranged
Love
Total
3 8%
5 6%
6%
1 00%
N= 1 2
N= 1 8
N=2
N=3 2
0%
28%
72%
1 00%
N=O
N=5
N= 1 3
N= 1 8
24% N = 12
46% N=23
30% N=1 5
1 00% N=50
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Eth n i c Studies Review Vol u m e 31
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